#1) He’ll makeout with his dog after it licks its butthole, but won’t kiss you after eating garlic fries.
#2) The dog has first pick on which side of the bed he/she sleeps on.
#3) His dog is his screensaver, home page, and profile picture. You’re somewhere in his phone memory but don’t know where.
#4) You feel like his dog judges you.
#5) He’d rather let the dog devour his face in public than hold your hand on the streets.
#6) He knows every company that won’t allow dogs on board when traveling.
#7) You and the dog spent a couple hours alone once and the tension was palpable.
#8) He feels bad leaving his dog by itself but rarely apologizes when he flakes out on your personal plans.
#9) The dog is creeping in the background when you Facetime each other—watching, spying.
#10) His face lights up when talking about his dog’s floppy ears.
#11) Every time the dog interrupts snuggle time, you get jealous and don’t know why.
#12) His dog watches you have sex, and it gets weirder every time.
#13) A trip to the dog park is non-negotiable and is often the first idea he has when conceiving weekend plans.
#14) When he gets invited to places they always say “Bring [the dog]!” despite that you both have been together for five years.
#15) You opened your closet one day and found dog hairs all over your clothes, shoes and newly folded laundry—it’s clearly trying to mess with your head.