10 Signs a Gay Guy is Actually Hitting on You


#1) You seem to be the only person he’s focusing on.

You both might be in a crowded room with friends and/or colleagues, but for whatever reason he is dead focused on you, and you know it. We all know when one particular person can’t keep his attention away because the energy changes—like we’re being hunted (in a good way).

A guy who is there to make friends and hang out doesn’t focus on one particular person. He’s there to have fun. So seeing a guy whose body language, eye contact, comments and laughter is all rooted from YOU is a red flag to knowing you’re definitely on his radar.

#2) He tries to find commonalities.

When a gay guy is flirting with you he’ll often try and find similar interests, even if he has to dig for them. “Oh my gosh, you like Scandal? I f*cking love Scandal!” “I see you’re wearing an X-Men shirt—I left mine at home.”

This is the number one sign that someone is trying to impress you—whether it’s because he likes you or is just trying to get on your good side is your call, but this is nearly always a clue he wants your attention. Take it as it is.

#3) He goes for personal humor.

The experienced flirter knows to go for the gold by trying to make you belly laugh rather than giggle. In order to do that he needs to spark your personal sense of humor, which is something he must find himself.

There’s a difference between general humor: topics relating to politics, pop culture, etc; and personal humor: goofy antics, subject matter only you and he know about, etc. It takes a while to find what makes you tick, but when he does it’s all up hill. This is when you know he’s really digging hard to impress you.

#4) He tries to defend you in front of people.

When your buddies tease you it can be funny, but the guy who wants to be on your side will always say, “Aww… leave him alone [chuckle],” or “Oh my gosh that was so mean…[chuckle],” or “At least he doesn’t have a… [laugh from the crowd].”

He feels a duty to defend you because he likes you. He wants you to feel protected around him because he’s a man and we all have that pressure when our emotions get in the way. Little acts like these show you his heart is open to you.

#5) He’ll lock eyes any chance he has.

There’s a difference between gawking and locking. The former is creepy and makes everyone uncomfortable, the latter is usually only seen by you and him in private moments—it gets under your skin in a good way.

You know when eye contact happens by accident. He’ll shift away and pretend like it didn’t happen because he’s afraid of connection. But for a guy who’s flirting and has enough balls to show it, he wants you to know that he sees you.

#6) The questions he asks aren’t generic, but personalized.

He won’t ask you questions about sports or work or the world. He wants to know what’s in your mind and heart. He’ll sneak in questions like, “How many siblings do you have?” or “What’s your favorite place you’ve visited?” or even “What are your dreams?”

Okay maybe it won’t be that mushy, but you get the idea. When a guy is flirting he wants to know about you. If he truly is interested he doesn’t give a crap about everything else. He wants to know why he feels connected to you.

#7) He undresses you with his eyes.

There’s a difference between scanning your body and scanning your clothes. When he scans your clothes he’s often trying to figure out how much your “worth,” i.e. are you the boss in this group, the follower, a person I need to network with? When he scans your body you can tell from his eyes he’s wondering whether you’re a top or bottom.

The muscles in his face will drop a little when he’s undressing you. His body opens up because that’s what our brains tell us to do. He won’t be scanning you peripherally—he goes for the meat straight on.

#8) He’ll implement Facebook.

He won’t use Facebook to “network” with you. He wants to start conversation. If he really wants to get to know you he’ll message you personal things rather than general notes. “Hope you had fun last night. Great meeting you,” or “You really made me laugh last night,” or “You’re really something. Want to get together sometime?”

#9) He pops the bubble.

There’s usually a bubble between guys who are chilling with each other—it’s a weird professional bubble. We unconsciously want to respect each other’s personal space, but when we are really interested in someone, our bodies refuse to listen to us.

We become fixated on getting closer to him without our permission. Notice the difference between someone who naturally knows no boundaries and someone who is actually trying to know you—the latter tries to make it smooth while the former is a bit spastic.

#10) He’s nervous for no reason.

There’s a difference between someone who has social anxiety and one who is nervous because he’s trying to flirt with you. Anxiety involves the atmosphere as a whole, while nervous flirting only has to do with you.

It’s important to know that nervousness isn’t a bad thing. We’re all nervous when we’re around people we want to like us, which means we ought to have compassion. It doesn’t mean he’s less confident—he just wants to make a good impression. You want him to be a little nervous, otherwise you won’t be able to read him.

David Artavia


David is an award-winning journalist and editor at The Advocate, Plus, and Chill magazines. His work also appears at Pride.com and OutTraveler. He lives in Los Angeles where he lives vicariously through his friends.

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