How to be the Sexiest Dude in the Room

Screen Shot 2015-07-23 at 2.36.53 PM

Being sexy has nothing to do with your body, hair or how great your smolder glistens in the morning. Sexiness is something indescribable. It’s a feeling.

Sexiness is energy. It’s the ability to sneak inside a man’s head so you’re there long after you aren’t around. You affect the people around you because you’re an authentic being. You’re not pretending, you’re approachable and absolutely genuine.

Think about the feeling we get when we see a hot jogger running shirtless across the street—we usually go, “Mmm.” Now imagine those occasions when we run into a man that reeks of allure. He might not be shirtless but he affects us on a deeper level—we usually go, “Wow…”

The difference between “Wow” and “Mmm” are huge.

“Mmm” is about being eye candy.. There’s nothing wrong with being eye candy, of course, but it’s always short-lived. It lasts until someone of equal or greater physical attraction arrives. But “Wow” sticks with you. It’s the kind of feeling that, after achieving it once, becomes a quality you start looking for in others.

The difference between the two is feeling–not how you feel, but how you make others feel?

How do you make people feel? Do you make them want to be happy? Do they feel somewhat judged, which pressures them to try and impress you? Do you make them feel okay to be themselves?

The secret to being sexy isn’t how you feel about yourself, but how you make others feel about themselves. 

When you make a man feel comfortable around you, he’s going to associate that feeling with you always. He’s also going to be open enough to trust you and let you into his heart, and perhaps even more dangerous, his mind.

The main ingredient you need to have is authenticity. Know who you are and refuse to pretend to be anyone else. I can’t tell you how many gay guys tell me the greatest quality they love in a guy is genuineness. Especially nowadays, genuineness is hard to come by. It seems like everyone plays a character to some extent. Believe me, when you are presenting someone fake the world is going to know and automatically become uneasy around you.

When you know yourself you will naturally gain more confidence, which is another trait to be sought after. Confidence gives you the courage to look a man in the eyes without fear—to break the walls and go from being strangers to friends.

Unapologetic affection is contagious. Every once in a while we need to remind ourselves that no matter what is happening around the world or in our own lives, all we have is the love we give to each other. Carry that love and give it to others. Make them feel loved by you—show your affection without hesitation.

When a man tries to be sexy, he’s never going to achieve it. This we know. Everyone knows it. To be the sexiest man in the room you need to make people feel something rather than look at something. Reach in your heart and switch on the light; trust me, the second you rack up courage to spread love around, you will ultimately become a star.

At the end of the day, sexiness is found in 100% truth. Be yourself and be proud to show others. This inspires to do the same–the result is magical.

Originally published at

David Artavia


David is an award-winning journalist and editor at The Advocate, Plus, and Chill magazines. His work also appears at and OutTraveler. He lives in Los Angeles where he lives vicariously through his friends.

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply