How to be a Better Top, From a Bottom’s Perspective


As a power bottom, it never ceases to amaze me how many tops fail to please. When you aim to make us happy, we’ll return the favor times a million. Two men trying to please each other equally are in for a whole lot of pleasure and before you know it, the sweat is dripping down our faces and we’re up to round three of an already long night.

You might think you’re awesome at sex, but most of you tops are in desperate need of some tips. Bottoms don’t want to be treated like blow up dolls, at least for the most part. We have bodies too which means we feel pain. Just because we like to get penetrated does not mean we want to be turned inside out. But don’t worry. I’m here to let you know what most bottoms fail to tell you because unlike the others, I’ve taken mental notes honey. I ain’t afraid to use them. Here are a few things I’ve picked up. They’re simple, yet make all the difference:

Make Sure He Gets Off

Don’t be a blow and go type of guy. The bottom is the one getting penetrated which already gives him more points than you, so the least you can do is get him off. Don’t roll over and go to bed even if he proclaims that it’s “okay” or he’s “fine and just enjoys pleasing you.” Trust me, he’s lying. We all want to get off. Don’t be an a**hole.

You Need To Shower Too

Just because you might not be getting penetrated doesn’t mean you are free from maintenance. If you have any form of pubic hair, you better make sure you jump in the shower and scrub yourself before any mouth or butt makes their way down there. Trust me, it’s better to smell like vanilla than dried up sweat. Use soap and water on the butt, penis, balls, and every place else you’re exposing.

Pay Attention 

Even before foreplay begins, open up your senses. See how his mood is in that particular moment. You don’t want to appear too aggressive at the beginning, but you also don’t want to seem too sensitive either. Welcome your touch and caress effortlessly, not forcefully. If you make him uncomfortable at the beginning, you’re setting the foundation for how the sex will be.

Appreciate His Body

A bottom wants to know that you respect and appreciate his body. We’re on the bottom side of things, you know. We can get a bit insecure if our belly fat starts jiggling or you grab onto our love handles or choke us in an effort to hide our double chin. The minute you seem disgusted or unimpressed we tend to close up. For the best of both our experiences, you better think I’m the hottest guy you’ve ever had on top of you. Otherwise we’re in for an awkward night.

Investigate His Zones 

I’ve always believed the tongue has magic powers when combined with hot breath. Exhale normally (not like your trying to fog up a window) on the outer layer of his skin. Start on the neck and work your way down to the nipples and stomach, especially the “sex bone” area. Notice which areas he shivers most and you can get a good sense of what he likes. Then, you can start implementing your fingers. But be careful – fingernails hurt.

Don’t Go Full Throttle At The Beginning 

Going from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds is never a good idea. Stop and think before you shove your d**k inside. Give him a chance to warm up to you. The best idea is to let him take control during this time. Let him find the passage way that’s most comfortable. We’re all shaped differently, you know. Chances are, he’s not going to like what your ex-boyfriend liked. Starting slow and sensual is always a safe bet. From there, work your way up to the finish line.

Know How It Feels For Them 

The greatest top is someone who’s done it before and knows how it feels. Empathy creates a much better experience, especially if you’re packing a big weapon. Trusting that your top is considering your feelings allows a bottom to fully give in. So in reality, it’s a win win for both of you. Don’t be selfish.

Sensuality Is Key 

You don’t need to be in love to be sensual, though it does help. Making a connection is crucial before penetration because not only does it open a window of trust, but it conjures an incredible amount of rhythm. Your bodies become music, fitting inside each other’s tempo and cadence the more sensual you become. Don’t overestimate it, even if it’s just about the sex.

Rid Yourself Of The Jackhammer 

In case you didn’t figure out, anal sex can hurt like a mother f**ker. Unless your bottom is totally cool with it, stop humping him like a jack rabbit and most importantly, never pull it fully out and fully in at a fast pace. It might look good in porn films, but in reality it’s pretty effing painful. Naturally this is all up to the bottom’s pain tolerance, but it’s best to see where it all goes.

Take Control & Change Positions 

It’s cool to be vanilla at times, but it shouldn’t over take the whole experience. I’m not talking about bondage or leather, but simply changing up the positions. Even the most aggressive of power bottoms like to be controlled by a top who knows what he’s doing. Never make it planned or rehearsed, but allow it to be a natural progression from whatever position you changed from. Be the coach and I’ll be the student.

Originally published at 

Michael Fairbanks

Staff Writer

Michael Fairbanks is a world traveler and has lots of observations to share.

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