The most devastating realization I ever had in my life was when I came clean and admitted I wasn’t perfect. I looked in the mirror and realized all the years of pretending like I had my sh*t together, trying to convince people I was worthy of their attention, and hoping that someday my smile would match my soul were a waste of time.
I said to myself, “F*ck it!” I’m not perfect. It’s all been a lie. Nothing has ever been what I’d wanted it to be—it was a giant case of delusions.
I began to cry, and as the tears fell I realize I was shedding more than fear—I was unconsciously taking off the mask. By admitting to myself that I wasn’t perfect and deciding to stop lying, right then and there, I began to truly see who I was rather than what I wanted to see before.
Strive for authenticity – not perfection.
So many of us want to be perfect because we think perfection is what the world wants. We assume having the perfect body, the perfect personality, the perfect job and the perfect life brings some sort of social value to our legacy. But the truth of the matter is we’re never actually trying to be perfect—we want to be accepted.
We’re taught to judge based on social constructs. There are usually 3 divisions: No, Maybe, and YES—all constructs are decided in these categories. To decide if someone is dateable, f*ckable, should be hired, is talented enough, worthy enough to know, cool enough to talk to etc., we tend to divide them as a no, maybe or yes.
“Yes he’s hot enough.” “No he’s so not my type.” “We might be friends, but eh, I’m not sure, he’s kind of a mess.” “I don’t know if it’ll work out—he’s a bit too perky for me.” “He’s overqualified for the job, I don’t think he’ll be a good fit.” “He’s not confident enough, sorry.” “He travels too much, no, it’s not going to work…”
We all think these thoughts in some way or another. Admit it. Of course we do. It’s the right side of our brain dealing with logic and rationality—we need it to make decisions and to become a substantial adult in today’s world. It’s not a bad thing. The trouble comes when we try to change ourselves to please the needs of these divisions.
Some of us can’t stand being a “no” or “maybe.” We have to be “yes” even if we don’t necessarily like the person or situation that’s judging. We need it for our own self-worth to feel good enough to live, to feel worthy enough to be perfect.
But can’t you see? Perfection doesn’t exist because there is not a universal “yes” division. We all think differently and we all have various levels of opinions. My “no” isn’t going to be your “no” necessarily, and vice versa. So while we think we’re trying to be perfect, what we’re really trying to do is to be liked.
There is no such thing as perfection—only submission. To be perfect today means bending over backwards to please everyone because we’re terrified of being said no to. Well guess what, it’s time we learn that hearing NO is okay. In fact, it’s empowering because it means we are completely fine with not changing who we are to please someone else.
Most of my young life was spent trying to go from “no” to “yes” for complete strangers. I wanted them to like me so when I felt them judge any aspect of myself, I tried to adjust to their needs.
In my eyes I felt like something was wrong with me because they weren’t comfortable. I felt it was my fault I wasn’t being accepted, when the truth was it had nothing to do with me and all to do with their own limited experience.
To be okay with not being perfect you need to know that there has never been such a thing in the first place. You’ve been fighting a losing game all your life, and you’re no shmuck. Stop trying. Admit that you’re never going to win and allow yourself to drop the mask. Detox yourself from the brainwashing we’ve all been victim to and start getting to know yourself and who you are based on authentic truth.
It’s okay not to be perfect. None of us are, which is why we’re naturally attracted to vulnerability. Pretending to be perfect is pretending not to be human. It’s intimidating to anyone (even to those we deem as being perfect).
Let it go.