How to Get a Guy’s Attention in 10 Seconds (or Less)

Human beings make an impression on each other within a matter of seconds—by ten, they pretty much have their minds made up. Most of the time it’s out of our control, but in many ways it’s we who help them get there.

Whether you think so or not, appearance isn’t everything. As I’ve said before in many articles, being sexually attractive is never as powerful as being sexually appealing. Sex appeal gets under your skin, and stays; while sexual attraction only lasts until someone of equal or greater attraction enters the room.

In ten seconds you can make an appealing impression on a guy, but first you need to know the power of energy. We’re all energy—what you feel and release within yourself is what other people eventually receive. Here are a few things to remember:

Say Their Name. 

Studies have shown that by saying a person’s name back to them more than once makes them comfortable around you. It also relaxes them and subliminally pulls him or her towards your attention span. One nifty trick is to always say their name directly after meeting them: “It’s nice to meet you, Tom.” It helps you to remember.

Enthusiasm is Everything. 

People want to be around enthusiasm. It’s fuel for joy and wonderment. When you’re excited about something, even if it’s over something stupid like a Harry Potter T-shirt a friend might be wearing, it shows a boyish like charm that is extremely magnetic to onlookers.

Don’t Let Him Catch You Being Mean. 

By judging, I mean gossiping or making anyone feel less than you. Too many gay guys nowadays believe that talking about each other is funny; those of us listening are too scared to speak up most of the time because it’s none of our business, but believe me, we take mental note never to trust you. In other words, don’t be too bitchy.

Stop Lying. 

One of the most important lessons you need to realize is the importance of consistency. Little white lies pile up to become so heavy that we might as well shoot ourselves in the foot. You don’t need to pretend to be something you’re not—at the end of the day it’s honesty that builds our track record. This is what everyone uses eventually to build an impression on us. Take it seriously.


Let him watch you genuinely laugh. It makes him think you’re non-pretentious and down to earth, which ultimately shapes an impression on him. It inspires him to want to laugh with you rather than feel nervous trying to impress you; so go ahead and let out a loud one.

Straighten Up. 

By that I mean the body. Elongate your spine and fix your posture. Subliminally, this displays trustworthiness and dependability to the world. It shows confidence, control and openness.

According to science, people decide on your trustworthiness in one-tenth of a second. If you pass the test, you have wiggle room to get to know a person; if you fail, they will be somewhat closed off.

Keep Eye Contact. 

Without question, eye contact gives you an advantage over most other people in the world because—let’s face it—most people are scared of each other, especially those we find attractive. More often than not we end up being too bashful for our own good. Maintaining eye contact (in a non-creep way of course) shows dominance, which is pretty alluring.

Don’t Pity Yourself. 

When someone gives you a compliment, say thank you. Don’t fight with them—even if you’re the most insecure person, you need to respect someone else’s opinion that you’re attractive (because you are). It might help to know that it isn’t about being self-deprecating; it’s about being polite and not making him feel spat upon for telling the truth.

Be Still. 

I used to get nervous ticks. I thought it was because I was shy, but the root of it (I learned) was anxiety. I wanted him or her to like me/think I was funny, nice, cool etc. so much that my mind never contemplated the shifting of my hips or movement of my arms, which never gave them a chance to listen to what I was saying or even look me in the eye. Stillness calms people and allows a window for them to see your intentions—give them that chance.

Take Pride in Your Appearance. 

I get that one might dress to be comfortable, but be careful you aren’t doing it as a form of silent protest. I had a friend who hated being told what to wear, so he ended up dressing down purposefully—“This is who I am!” he would scream, but really? Was it? At the end of the day, you should always dress for yourself, but if you want the world to see the best version, you need to play it up from time to time.

David Artavia


David is an award-winning journalist and editor at The Advocate, Plus, and Chill magazines. His work also appears at and OutTraveler. He lives in Los Angeles where he lives vicariously through his friends.

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