Are Gay Guys Scared to Connect with Each Other?

Humans are structured to behave selfishly. Everything we experience in life is captured inside a realm of our own understanding. That’s the bubble of reality we translate as truth. Anything that exists outside this bubble seems to be of no concern for us, though we want it to be.

Deep down, we want connection. We talk about how important it is, how good it feels, how important it is for self-value, yet more often than not we fail at it because we’ve forgotten how.

Men are taught never to display their emotions..

We’re raised with the idea that an emotional man is a weak man. But the consequences of being emotionless is a well-constructed emotional WALL that’s hard to break down.

Our way of life in America doesn’t help. If you’ve traveled to Europe or South America, you’d agree that people have a different relationship with each other—they look at strangers in the eye and smile, they laugh, they help. They connect.

In a major city like New York or Los Angeles, connection is rare. Sometimes we go on without it for so long that after a few months, we become hard and cold. Without connection there is no empathy or compassion. Emotional vulnerability is an asset that is always rewarding so long as we try to know each other.

We’re trained to stay disconnected with people. It’s easy to recognize the emotional walls we carry in a place like New York City. No one wants to have a genuine connection because at the end of the day, we’re afraid of each other’s judgment. 

We’re enslaved by the world’s opinion of us. I’m terrified of what you think of me just as you’re terrified of what I think of you—consciously or subconsciously. It’s possible to rise above it, but sadly many of us go through life terrified and become hollow. As a result, we forget who we are.

We learn about ourselves from others. When we’re scared to connect, we snip off a piece of our identity. Humankind is constructed in a way to help each other grow into our potential – not leave us alone to figure it out ourselves.

Look up… that’s how big you are.

Recognize how good it feels to connect with someone each and every day. You’ll find that it recharges your heart and soul like a battery, giving you a bigger reason to live.

For connection to happen we must allow ourselves to break down the wall. In order to do that we must build a foundation of trust for the world, but more importantly for ourselves. We must believe that our value isn’t built on the world’s perception of us, but our own.

A man who knows his value has no problem letting people see it. This is the seed for connection. Not everyone is going to meet you there, but it doesn’t matter because this is how you learn to see a person’s character—by observing how he or she responds when you display yours.

The fear of connection resonates deeply in our society, and it holds us back from building compassion and empathy in all institutions. Instead of thinking we’re separated as “us” and “them,” we ought to think in terms of “we.”

It’s time to stop being afraid of each other. We’re not stronger, tougher, or more masculine when we choose to have a guard up. On the contrary… we’re weaker. The only thing we should ever fear is disconnection, for what else is there after that except a dark and heavy path towards infinite loneliness?

David Artavia

Writer

David lives in New York City, where he acts, writes and lives vicariously through his friends.

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply