As single men it’s easy getting guys to look at our bodies, but to get a guy hooked on us is a whole other equation. It requires more than showing a bit of skin. We need to get under his skin to tickle his fancy in ways he might never have imagined before. And trust me, it’s easier than you think…
Before we get started, you need to know the difference between eye-candy and sex appeal:
EYE CANDY grabs focus visually, but sex appeal gets a man hypnotized. Eye candy only lasts until someone of equal or greater hotness enters the room.
SEX APPEAL is felt, it’s intuitive, and it exists long after you leave a man’s periphery. It creates a trail.
While both eye candy and sex appeal are powerful, you never want to have too much of both. If all you offer is eye candy you’re going to have an unconscious “look but don’t touch” policy. Guys who are too good looking fail to be accessible, and are often intimidating to approach–don’t be that guy.
Alternatively, if all you offer is appeal without any kind of visual stimulation, it will instantly send you to the “friend zone” without your permission. The trick is to have a balance of eye candy and appeal, and the doses may vary from man to man.
So how do we do it?
Know what you’re offering
Know the person you are without muscles, hair product or teeth whiteners. There is a soul there (many times we forget it). We spend most of our lives trying to sell our bodies that we fail to forget how valuable our hearts, minds and souls are. Sell that!
Connect soul-to-soul, not penis-to-penis.
It’s important to trigger your intuition when meeting people. If your only tool to get a man’s attention is a low cut shirt and an overused smolder, you don’t have a lot much going on upstairs (no offense).
Don’t forget that we’re human beings. We have sex for fun, but require connection to feel valuable. It’s impossible to have a joyous life without having others see us for who we really are. Let go of trying to pretend, and just be…
Recognize a void he needs filled and fill it!
The only way to get someone hooked on you is to fill some type of void. Everyone has an area in their life that’s a bit empty—whether it’s a need for adventure, for someone to listen, for someone to validate our work, or simply a person to love us. We’re all driven by a subliminal need to fill this void. Most of us have no idea what our personal void is, but everyone else does because it’s usually transparent.
When our void isn’t filled, we feel depressed. But when a man comes along in life that fills it we associate him as our savior—or at the very least, a man who can see right thought us. Then we get hooked.
All you have to do is listen, ask questions, and find clues as to what his suffering (or longing) might be. I’m not saying you have to baby him, but pay attention. Make him grateful to have you. This will get him excited to be around you, and eventually he’ll feel safe.
Make him special.
So many of us try our best not to make others feel special because that makes us feel less special. We’re very selfish like that, you know. In our heads we’re rock stars—we’re millionaires, bosses, sailing on yachts, living in mansions, and having sex with porn stars. But unfortunately it doesn’t pan up to reality, so we need people around us to make us feel as special as we are in our heads.
The person we get hooked on brings us to a new level of bliss, and it’s not always tied to sex. Simple things like laughing hysterically at nothing, hearing someone say, “You’re perfect to me,” even making out on your balcony for hours on end, are clips from a dream—give that dream to him. Exaggerate the real world a tad and make it a fairy tale. Live in your imaginations as long as you can.
Make him feel lucky to have you with him in public.
This is where the eye-candy scenario comes along. I know many of my friends who put themselves together like dolls to go out on a date with their man. As gay guys, some of us think, “Psh. We’re guys. All we gotta do is put on a button up and do our hair, and that’s it. We’re guys, and we’re attracted to guys—I’m not dolling myself.” Trust me when I say you’re WRONG.
Dress up for your man, damn it! Make him feel lucky to have you around his arm. Give him something to show off—this will give you more confidence as well. Don’t be afraid to give the eyebrows a little tweeze, show off the arms, and put a little product on. You’re not copping out or are “less of a man” for dressing up to impress. When you combine a bit of eye-candy with sex appeal, you’re in for the long haul.
Don’t be a game-player.
Players are annoying, and over time the game becomes a “job.” It’s work to keep him entertained, and any amount of fun wears out quickly.
It’s not your duty to remind him of your existence by calling him twenty times a day, or letting him know that you’re jealous. Talk to him when you actually have something to say. Don’t be boring, don’t be annoying, and don’t be a soul-sucker. You want to add to his life, not take away from it.
Don’t be a penny looking for a dime.
In other words don’t place him so high above ground that you begin to question your own value. He’s not “too good” for you that you need to readjust your life to impress him.
On the same note, (can I be real here?) if he is at a different level than you career wise or money wise, it might not be a good idea anyway to try and pursue him unless you have real chemistry. Love is love, but be sure it’s the man you’re falling in love with, not the security he offers. Don’t fall in love with cash–it blinds easily.
Give him bait.
You need to give him bait so that: a) he knows you’re interested, too, and b) he’ll have more confidence asking you out. If he has doubts that you’ll say yes, he won’t even try. Bait is incredibly important.
You don’t want to look needy. Don’t throw yourself on him. What you need to do is give him subtle clues that let him know you’re interested: eye contact, smiles, touching etc., then move on. If you give him all your attention there’s no more need for him to hunt, and we’re men, we’re hunters, we live for the hunt!
If we don’t have opportunities to hunt, we’re going to loose interest fast. Hunters don’t want prey to lie in front of them and say, “Here I am. You got me!” What’s the fun in that? We crave the hunt because once we have them it means we accomplished something—we won. This makes you more valuable.