Impulsive love exists in a fantasy land, whereas true love exists in reality.
A feeling can disappear just as quickly as it came. In a single day we have thousands of feelings, but underneath it all there is an absolute truth that defines them.
True love isn’t what we see in movies, though we try desperately to mimic it. We search all our lives to find a man who “completes” us, that inspires us to rise above the ashes of heartache and reach our dream selves. But at the end of the rainbow, we usually discover that his love only lasted a day…
Most of our childhood is spent moment-to-moment, completely present in the happenings of the world. We see a frog leap in the grass: “This is the coolest thing ever!” Our favorite superhero defeats his sworn enemy: “At last, peace is restored! Yes!” Our sister steals our favorite blanket: “Give it back! I hate you, forever!”
Human behavior relies on momentary impulses like the ones we have as kids. As we become adults, we start an incredulous search for meaning: What is the theme of my life? Why am I the way I am? Why do I feel the things I feel? Why am I sad? Why am I happy? Once we reach a certain age we stop being guided by intuition and start relying on intellect. But life requires a balance of both.
No one teaches us how to fall in love. It just happens, mostly when we least expect it and often with the wrong types of guys at first. We don’t know they’re wrong at the beginning. Sometimes it takes years to see a pattern, but once we do we are finally able to decipher the meaning behind it.
Falling in love is as impulsive as a child. It’s momentary. It lasts for a short while—hours, sometimes days or weeks. True love is something that grows over time. It blooms little by little, as he passed the tests you’ve laid out in front of him (whether you’re aware of it or not): loyalty, trust, dependence, support, etc. Your brain working in tandem with your heart, until at last your whole being says, Yes! This one. This one!
True love is a journey that happens after our impulses wear off.
Love isn’t as tangible as we think. Many of us fall in love with a guy at the drop of a hat. Afterwards we wonder: was that actually love? My answer to that is YES. It was love. Momentary love (or what I call impulsive love). It lasts as long as the dream lasts. But eventually reality steps in to challenge these fantasies.
At the end of the day, impulsive love exists in a fantasy land whereas true love exists in reality. The real world abides by actual rules and laws. This is what our intuition uses to interpret absolute truths in our ear: “He’s not right for you.” “This is a sign.” “Did you hear the way he spoke to you? Your friends? Your family?” Sometimes we refuse to listen to our gut. That’s when we get in trouble.
Love is supposed to feel good. It makes us feel protected, secure and wanted. It shocks me to see how many gay couples feel neither of these things and still call it love.
Love in the truest form doesn’t happen over night. It’s a feeling that grows every second of every day in the details often overlooked: the way he touches you, how he treats you when you’re sick, how he speaks to you in front of your friends, the little things he says that make you laugh, the things he does to remind you how much he loves you.
The biggest mistake we can make is to invest our hearts in a momentary feeling. Trust me, love doesn’t happen that quickly. You can’t rush true love anymore than you can rush a tree from growing. It takes time.
Enjoy the infatuation while it’s happening and understand that no matter how strong it might be, the real test happens once the sparks of impulse begin to whither. That’s when the roots of love begin to strengthen.