What do Your Sexual Fetishes Say About Your Personality?


I’m all about fantasies, but even more so I love digging deep to find out why we have them. There are countless of reasons why daydreams stimulate our sex drive and why we use them as an escape, but the truth is it has to do with something we feel we’re lacking or want more of.

Fetishes and fantasies were once stimulated by sense memory – something in our lives that happened, which prompted us to create an imaginary life in our heads. What we fantasize about can say a lot about our personalities. Here are just a few:


You have a thing with submission and people pleasing. Since the beginning of time, feet have been used as a weird way of dividing class. Servants wash the feet of their masters – even Jesus had a go at it! It’s a way to demonstrate submissiveness towards other people. So if you like feet, chances are you thoroughly enjoy pleasing people – you want them to be happy, you’re a people-pleaser in every sense of the word. You submit to it.

Did you know the area in our brain associated with genitalia is adjacent to the area associated with feet? In fact, Sigmund Freud used to say that people sexualize feet because they resemble a penis. Frankly, I don’t see it, but if it’s good enough for Freud it’s good enough for me.


Chances are, it takes a lot to boost your self-esteem. Add that to a need for adrenaline, and you got a heavy dose of exhibitionism.

The idea of being naked publically is erotic because it’s vulnerable while also exciting and heart pumping. The risk of getting caught is always in the back of our minds, which makes us feel rebellious and victorious when it actually pans out. But exhibitionism has other qualities.

It boosts our self-esteem by putting our most vulnerable state on display. We want the world to desire us, so in a way it’s a silent protest for ourselves. Deep down, there’s a need to feel empowered because, perhaps, we don’t get that in our every day lives. It’s our way of gaining back our identity, which we seem to loose at our 9 to 5.


The gay bondage community is the nicest group of people out there because BDSM is one of the greatest exercises for releasing emotional and mental tension. You’re either gaining control as a dominant, or relinquishing control as a submissive – either way, it is sexual therapy times a million.

You are probably a very emotional and highly intuitive person, perhaps too much so. You need a release of some kind, and because sex stimulates mind control in the psychological ways, BDSM is an easy avenue to receive clarity. The combination of control, authority and freedom to express yourself is incredibly beneficial to your wellbeing, and you need more of it. You don’t need pills or alcohol to ease your stress, just a whip, a blindfold and willing participant.

Role Play.

You obviously have a huge imagination. If only you were brave enough to access it in your daily life as you are in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong, you’re probably extremely vibrant at daytime, but when push comes to shove, it’s never enough.

You enjoy pretending to be someone else, perhaps because it’s a life you wish you led in reality; or rather the attitude you wish you carried. This is what makes role play fun – we become a person we always wanted to be.

Authority Figures.

Who hasn’t had a fantasy about one of their ex-teachers or current boss? It’s more common than any of us realize, though while most people don’t act on it, there are plenty that do. The whole idea around it is power transfer.

If you’re fantasizing about a person solely because he has a higher rank than you, chances are you either want to unconsciously gain some of that power, or you subconsciously want to show him who’s boss. You want role reversal.

Perhaps it’s because you feel like you don’t have enough power yourself or you wish you had more. Hell, it might just be because you have a hot boss (I don’t blame you), but there is something in your life you crave more of, and in your sexually stimulated brain, this figure seems to be the only one who can give it to you.


Research shows that over 50% of gay couples are in open relationships. Threesomes are very common among gay peeps, but when it becomes a fetish, i.e. something you can’t stop thinking about and, in fact, prefer over the alternatives, it’s probably because you crave attention.

Sure it’s something fun you can do with your man, but at the end of the day, it’s about attention. You want to be the star – ain’t nothing wrong with that! If you feel you aren’t getting enough attention from your friends or coworkers, daydreaming about a threesome is very common. Two guys (or 1 girl) all for you? That’s something worth fantasizing about.

David Artavia


David is an award-winning journalist and editor at The Advocate, Plus, and Chill magazines. His work also appears at Pride.com and OutTraveler. He lives in Los Angeles where he lives vicariously through his friends.

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