Stop Begging for a Man’s Love if He’s Not Giving It in Return

In my household we were told that love is the measure of our value. We are’t judged by how much we love, but by how much we’re loved by others. Now that I’m older I’m starting to question this logic.

For the longest time I spread myself short trying to find love. I begged for it from friends, family, lovers, strangers, dogs—anything with a heartbeat. But while I was asking the world to love me, I realized I was forgetting how to love my self.

Why is it that we beg for men to love us? Most of the time we don’t realize we’re doing it. Our need to receive what we believe we deserve outweighs logic. Sometimes we know we’re acting crazy but we can’t stop ourselves. It becomes an addiction: a quest for love.

When we ask to be loved, what we’re actually saying is that we can’t do it ourselves. We need someone else to love for us. At the time it feels like we’re asking very little, but think about it: love is something we must earn. It must be given to us willingly. Despite our efforts, love is never going to abide by our rules.

Life isn’t fair sometimes. Trust me, I learned the hard way. The people we love most can end up destroying us. But when they slam us in the gutter, is it smart to get on our knees and beg for them to love us? Logically, a sane person understands that begging for attention from a guy who did us wrong makes us look crazy. That’s because love is crazy.

We want what we want when we want it. That’s it.

When our crush doesn’t love us back, we think, Nope. That’s not okay. I’m either going to change his mind or I’m going to wait impatiently until he comes around. We’re meant to be. Love makes us blind. It makes us do irrational things—so irrational that we hardly recognize ourselves.

But we want to be loved.

Here’s what we often forget. What does it say about our integrity when we’re giving away our hearts like merchandise to someone we know isn’t going to care for it? Would you sell your dog to a family you know is going to neglect it? Would you sell your family heirloom to a person you know is going to be careless with it? Then why treat our hearts the same way.

Love is the most precious investment we give to the world, and like all other investments we ought to do it smartly.

First, it starts with loving ourselves. It begins by nurturing the value we have inside and truly understanding its potential to the world. Once we do that, our focus shifts from seeking love (which is really seeking “approval) to growing love.

Hearts do what hearts do. Most of the time they march to their own drummer—we can’t control who we fall in love with. It happens unexpectedly at times, and sometimes it’s a test. Sometimes it’s a reminder from the universe that not only are we capable of being loved, but we’re capable to love.

Being loved is a result of loving someone else. We can’t control how other people feel, but we can control how we handle it. If we give more love than we expect to come around, life changes its filter. We receive clarity and trust and peace—not from the world, but from our own inner sanctum.

If a man isn’t willing to love us, the last thing we want is to run our hearts empty trying to change his mind. If we want to birth a new phase we must mourn the lost one–crying is okay. After the hump we need to self-reflect. We’ve seen the power love has. We’ve seen how valuable we are to the world when we grow love—why waste those precious opportunities?

The bravest thing to say is, No matter what happens, I’ll always love you.

David Artavia

Writer

David lives in New York City, where he acts, writes and lives vicariously through his friends.

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