We’re Never ‘Too Busy’ to Fall in Love

It’s a busy world we live in, and we’re usually the first ones to remind ourselves. In an age where many of us are defined by a job, it’s tough to find time to fall in love.

Time is something we will never get back, which is why we’re pressured to invest most of it into the future rather than our wellbeing. We try to impress our boss, meet deadlines and force ourselves to build new business ventures because the last thing we want is to be financially unstable in our later years. But what good is money if we have no one to share it with?

There are countless of gay guys out there who claim they’re “too busy” to find love, and for many of them they’re right—too busy to find love, but never too busy for sex.

If we put as much of ourselves into finding love as we do into finding sex, the world would be a much different place. Love is everywhere. It’s in the way we look at each other, the way we speak to ourselves, the way we treat strangers and how we touch our loved ones. We’re never too busy to love, but it seems like we are too busy to be loved.

We’re often scared to embrace the amount of love we send out. We feel like we don’t deserve it, that somehow we aren’t worthy of it. But at the end of the day we are the ones who decide what we’re worth—not our job, not our schedule, not our past.

We need to realize that a job is only for making money. It requires our time, yes, and in some cases our job has a greater purpose (that’s awesome), but at the end of the day it’s still a job. Once we leave that job for the day, we are human. We’re free. We’re no longer confined to it—forget it!

When we’re not working a job we have to fill ourselves up with goodness and love, otherwise our hearts and souls won’t be nearly as light. With lightness, comes reflection; and reflection is what’s needed to allow not only your light to shine, but to let other lights in.

We must also never treat our love life like it’s a job in itself. There is our “work brain” and our “life brain.” The work brain is good at business, but it shouldn’t interfere with personal matters much. Love is something that can’t be calculated into a math problem. It happens organically, with genuine emotional guidance direct from the heart.

Meeting people isn’t hard for us. Single gay guys are everywhere we turn, but it’s not just about seeing—it’s about feeling.

Feeling someone is evidence that your guards aren’t up. It speaks to us intuitively and says: I’m here. I see you. I feel you. I like you. Hi. You only feel someone when they’re here, present, in the moment of what’s happening—not wrapped up in that one email we forgot to send before we left our desk.

We need to be careful with jobs. Our brains tend to learn what it learns by emulating what it does most of the day. In other words, when we train it to always think about certain things, it starts doing it even without our permission. So you see, we can train our brains to stop placing work above our love lives, and it starts one day at a time.

Love needs time to grow. Some of us are lucky enough to have fallen in love at first site, while others have learned that true long lasting love comes after planting deep roots. But in order for a seed to be planted at all, we need to refresh the soil.

David Artavia


David is an award-winning journalist and editor at The Advocate, Plus, and Chill magazines. His work also appears at Pride.com and OutTraveler. He lives in Los Angeles where he lives vicariously through his friends.

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