Bitches are always going to be bitches, no matter what you say. The only thing any of us can do is steer the hell away from them when we see them. Trust me, I learned the hard way.
The “Bitchy Gay Guy” seems to be a prototype developed and bred by our own community. We think we enjoy it, we think we ought to take part in it, but truth be told, the charade is getting old. Fast. It’s hard standing up to someone who loves to be confrontational, but all you really need to do is take a moment and think. He wants to affect you in a negative way – that’s clear – but the second you fall into his trap, he wins. Don’t let him win. Arm yourself with tools:
1) Use your brain, not your claws.
You’re smarter than he is – you know how I know? Because only an idiot fights with his claws. A man who is secure and confident in himself and actually takes the time to dissect a situation from beginning to end will always attack with intellect, common sense, and a creative use of words. The last thing you want to do is shrink to his level. You’re above him. Prove it by sensibly describing the situation with a cause and effect outline of the circumstance.
2) Remind him of his past humiliating moments.
If a bitch comes at you with the intention of ripping you to shreds because of something you may or may not have done, simply say, “How is that different from when you…” or “It’s no more crazy than the time you…” or “Really? You’re saying this to me – the guy who saved your ass from…” Reflect a mirror to his finger-pointing self and show him that he isn’t an angel, and never was. The secrets you know about him will be the glue that tightens his lip.
3) Shut up and let him humiliate himself.
It’s slowly but surely becoming uncool to be a Mean Girl. All this talk about bullying is bleeding into our behavior, especially gay on gay interactions. We all pretend to like bitchiness, but deep down we secretly hate it to the core. A bitch interrupts the positive flow of conversation. He poisons the room with toxic energy. Trust me, he’s never going to leave unnoticed. The best thing anyone can do with a bitchy person is to shut the f*ck up and let the punchline of his “jokes” be silence. Breathe, look to the ceiling, and have a drink – everyone will know, including the bitch. And he’ll think twice before embarrassing himself again, hell, he might even apologize afterwards.
4) Defend his victims. Everyone loves a hero.
If there’s one philosophy every gay guy should abide by, it’s to always do the right thing. When a bitch is picking on someone for no reason, stand up for the victim. It will surprise the bitch by giving him a dose of reality – he just hurt someone’s feelings. He’s human after all, he’s not immune to guilt or shame. The people around you all have a conscience, and it will be hard not to join you, the hero, especially when deep down they know the bitch has it coming.
5) Articulate why whatever it is he did was bitchy.
It’s hard to articulate how a bitch made you feel, especially when deep down you fear their wrath. But whether you believe me or not, there are countless of bitchy gay guys who don’t realize they’re being bitchy. Letting them know might very well be the message they need: “You said it out of nowhere and there was no reason for it,” “You’re upset because it’s true,” “I’m not the person you’re mad at, so don’t take it out on me. You’re lashing out on the wrong person.” If they get offended, they’ll make fools of themselves by trying to defend their actions – let’s face it, they’ll only go below the belt when they feel threatened. And that’s fine. Let them go below the belt. Once they find no one is going there with them, they’ll see they’re only fighting with themselves.
6) Just breathe – you’re already more secure than he is.
One of the things we’re always worried about is getting called out by the bitchy gay guy at a party or in our inner circle because, we think, he has more wit, is smarter, and is fearless when it comes to confrontation. Bitches love to prey on the vulnerable because it’s where they get their self-esteem. He has none of his own so he has to maliciously get it by forcing someone to feel less than so he can, in turn, feel more than. It’s a psychological game everyone knows exists. When you truly accept the fact that he’s a bitch because he’s innately insecure, you will inherently be blessed with more awareness – this will intimidate him, forcing him to move on to a more vulnerable person to unleash his bitchiness on.
7) Know that it’s none of your business what he thinks of you & it’s none of his business what you think of him.
We’re all born with the right to think whatever it is we want, but we’re also trained in childhood to try and get everyone on our side. Trust me, there is such freedom knowing that you can’t control everything. You can only control the things you feel and how you perceive them to be – that’s it. You have to take your feelings into consideration before his. Sure he might be an asshole, but if he chooses to be a bitch, that’s his prerogative. You, on the other hand, aren’t a bitch. You choose to give love to the world instead – a trail which is surely to have more rewards in the long run. It’s none of your business to judge how he decides to live his life.
8) He wants a reaction. Don’t give it to him.
Bitchy gay guys need to feel like the life of the party, which makes them want to shock people with a lot of sharpness, bitchiness, sassiness and cruelness. They love hearing gasps, laughter, and fear – it doesn’t matter how they get it and where. When there is no reaction, he will try harder. The second he realizes he ain’t getting anything from you, he’ll give up, leaving you with one less bitch to worry about.
9) Give him a good example to learn from.
When you show yourself to be a man of compassion, love and integrity, you will undoubtedly create a reputation. People will talk about you to him in high respect – respect that he, frankly, doesn’t often get when he isn’t looking. Let people say about you: “Oh he’s such a sweet guy,” “I love him, so funny and nice,” or “He makes me feel so happy.” These are attributes he probably has never heard in regards to himself, but probably desperately craves.
10) Don’t be guilty by association.
I know it’s hard to do sometimes. We all want to feel like we’re part of the “A” group, and hanging around a bitchy type of personality stimulates that part of our ego. We all want to feel superior, but trust me, popularity doesn’t work in the real world like it did in high school. No one will put up with that crap anymore. The last thing you want to do is have people associate you into his group – not only will you welcome less friends, but less people will trust you in the long run.
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